When Your Child Prefers One Parent Over the Other: Understanding and Navigating Parental Preference

One minute, your little one is clinging to you for dear life, refusing to let anyone else near them. The next, they’re pushing you away and running straight into the other parent’s arms. Sound familiar? Parental preference is one of those phases that can feel both sweet and completely exhausting at the same time. If you’re the “chosen one,” it can be overwhelming to be constantly needed. And if you’re the parent being pushed away, it can feel downright heartbreaking.

But here’s the good news—this is totally normal. Your child’s sudden insistence on only wanting one parent isn’t a reflection of your parenting skills or their love for you. It’s simply a part of their emotional and developmental growth. And the even better news? With a little patience and the right approach, this phase will pass.

Why Do Kids Go Through Parental Preference Phases?

First, let’s clear this up: Your child doesn’t prefer one parent because they love them more. Parental preference is about security, routine, and testing boundaries—not about ranking parents in order of importance.

Here are some of the most common reasons your child may suddenly be favoring one parent over the other:

• Routine Rules Their World – Kids love predictability. If one parent usually handles bedtime, meals, or daycare drop-offs, the child may naturally gravitate toward them for those tasks.

• Developmental Milestones – As children grow, they test their independence by asserting control over their environment. Choosing one parent is just another way of exerting that control.

• Emotional Needs Change – Sometimes, kids seek different kinds of comfort at different times. They might want one parent for cuddles and the other for play.

• Recent Transitions – A new sibling, moving to a new house, or even a parent going on a work trip can intensify a child’s attachment to one caregiver.

• Accidental Reinforcement – If one parent often “rescues” the child from the other, it can send the message that only one parent can meet their needs.

  
  

How to Handle Parental Preference Without Losing Your Mind

It’s hard not to take it personally when your child wants nothing to do with one parent. But instead of getting caught up in the emotions of it, focus on what you can do to encourage a healthy, balanced attachment to both parents.

1. Avoid Undermining the Other ParentIf you’re the preferred parent, it can be tempting to step in and take over when your child resists the other parent. But doing so only reinforces their preference. Instead, show your child that both parents are loving, capable, and safe by allowing the non-preferred parent to take the lead without interference.

2. Make One-on-One Time a PriorityFor the non-preferred parent, finding ways to connect outside of emotionally charged moments (like bedtime or soothing a meltdown) can make a huge difference. Fun, low-pressure activities like baking, playing outside, or reading a favorite book together help strengthen the bond without the stress.

3. Share Responsibilities Even When It’s HardIf your child insists that only one parent handle bedtime, start by involving both parents in the routine. Over time, slowly transition duties so that the non-preferred parent gets a turn too. Even if there’s resistance at first, consistency is key.

4. Validate Their Feelings Without Giving InInstead of dismissing their preference, acknowledge it while still setting boundaries: “I know you really want Mommy to do bedtime, but tonight it’s Daddy’s turn. He loves putting you to bed too!” This reassures them that their feelings are heard but also gently encourages flexibility.

5. Be Patient and Keep TryingIt can be tempting to give up and let the preferred parent do everything just to avoid tantrums. But the more opportunities both parents have to bond, the faster this phase will pass. Stick with it, even if the process is slow.

The Bigger Picture: Why Parental Teamwork Matters

Kids thrive when they feel secure with both parents. If one parent always takes the lead, it can create an imbalance that makes future transitions (like a new sibling or a babysitter) much harder. Encouraging interchangeability not only gives both parents equal bonding time but also helps your child develop confidence in their relationships.

And here’s a little bonus—when parents can take turns with bedtime, soothing, and daily routines, it frees up time for self-care, rest, and a stronger partnership between you and your co-parent. Because let’s be real—parenting is a team sport, and you deserve to share the load.

Parental preference isn’t forever. It’s just another phase in your child’s development, and the way you handle it can help set the foundation for secure and loving relationships with both parents. Keep showing up, stay patient, and know that no matter whose turn it is to do bedtime tonight, your child loves you deeply.

If bedtime battles or attachment struggles are taking a toll, book a 30-minute coaching call or for expert support. We’re here to help!